Reason4sex.Org

Can We Still Be Friends?

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk
Even when we know it's time to end a romantic relationship, we're often reluctant to let go of our partners completely. We've shared so much of our lives with our partner, it seems almost callous to simply cut them out of our lives- especially if we're ending the relationship on good terms. It's natural that we want to hold onto the loving and supportive part of the romantic relationship, and simply let go of the parts that aren't serving us. This is entirely possible: we can remain friends with our former lovers. We both need to want to build a friendship, however.
If we choose to stay friends with a former romantic partner, we will have to establish new boundaries and expectations in the relationship. The old checklists are no longer appropriate, and it may take some time to make a successful transition to the new relationship. It's best, in fact, if we do not spend any time together once we've officially ended the romantic relationship. A clean break is essential. We need time to separate our life from our partner's. We need to reestablish our own boundaries and our own identity. And we need to spend a little time mourning the death of the romantic relationship. It takes time for the emotional connections to adjust, and it takes time for us to gain perspective on the entire relationship.
Once we're ready to spend time with our partner again, we must recognize that any friendship that we build is a new relationship. It is not an extension or continuation of our romantic relationship. We will need to start slowly, and to build up a new level of trust. It will take some time to make sure we're using the appropriate checklists. We can't expect the same kind of support or commitment in a friendship as we did in a romantic relationship. By the same token, we may find that we could tolerate certain behavior from a lover, but that we won't accept it from a friend.
In many ways, friendships are far more demanding than romantic relationships. We look for a higher level of shared interests and compatibility with our friends than we do with our romantic partners. We may discover that our former lovers don't make the cut as friends-and there's nothing wrong with that. We have a much easier time letting friends drift out of our lives than we do with letting go of romantic partners.
Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life.
Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.

MORE RESOURCES:
RELATED ARTICLES
Jewish Dating: It Pays to Date Other Like-Minded People
Searching for the perfect mate can be one of life's greatest challenges.After all, forever is a long time.
Is This The One?
Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell if this is the one? Is this one my soulmate? How will I know when I find the right one? There is no magic answer, but I can tell you what seems to work. I asked a psychic one time if a certain person was my soulmate.
What is a Red Flag
The focus of many of the last few articles has been on what is does a dangerous person look like, who you should avoid, but did you know that we all have personal red flags available if we just listen to them. Red Flags are signals that we all have, although they may differ just slightly.
Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs
Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children. All members are interconnected.
Like Father
Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 5, 2004I was married for 21 years to a man who enjoyed strip clubs, drinking, and his buddies. These things became important to him after we married, and part of his job as an undercover cop.
Why Its Good To Be Alone
Have you noticed that there's an ebb and flow to everything in life? The sun comes up, the sun goes down; the tide comes in, the tide goes out. If you're not currently in a relationship, it simply means the sun has temporarily set; the tide is currently out.
To Cheat or Not To Cheat
You know I am getting fed up with people who cheat. That seems to be the norm these days.
What Do the Words "I Don't Love You Anymore" Really Mean?
Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly announced, "I don't love you anymore"? If so, then you know that these words can split a marriage wide open, along with the heart of the partner who may not have suspected that anything was wrong.Like most spouses in your situation, you may be confused and struggling to understand what those five ominous words "I don't love you anymore" really mean.
Celebrate Friendship Day with Fresh Flowers!
Send flowers this Friendship Day, Sunday, August 7th! Across the street or across the country, a local florist can send a gift of Friendship to your Special Friend!Consider sending a friend a beautiful vase of her (or his) favorite flowers to celebrate National Friendship Day! Here are some gift ideas to inspire you;For the Gardener: Send a watering can filled with wildflowers and a raffia bow. Green Thumbs would also appreciate a Green or Blooming Plant in a decorative basket or container.
The Sting
Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28, 2004Two days ago, purely by accident, I found out my husband was a member of an online sex and swinger service. I unintentionally opened his e-mail, thinking the computer was logged on to my name, not his.
A Friend in Need
Here's the scenario: Julie, a hardworking secretary, lent money to her good friend Ray; $1300 to be exact. Ray had just moved to a new town and claimed that he needed two new suits: one for an upcoming wedding and one to wear on job interviews.
How to Kiss and Make Up
Was it a hectic day for you, or did you have one of those slow days that seem to drag on forever? Well, hopefully when you get home, if you are not home already, you will not have some drama you don't need waiting for you. If you do, we have some ideas about how to quench the drama, deflate your anger and get back to your fun self.
Abusive Relationships
Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why it takes so long for us to know that it is abusive, addictive love we are experiencing. The damage created by an abusive relationship only worsens over time, weakening the abused and giving the abuser more power.
Things Every Couple Should Know
In my family law practice, one of the most common things I hear over and over from clients who have just had the law explained to them is, "I wish I had known that a long time ago!" Or, "If only I had known that before (whatever) happened." People entering any form of long-term relationship, whether married, domestic partners, or just living together, are typically unaware that their relationship to each other--and to third parties, like creditors or government agencies--are defined and governed by rules of law, often in ways they did not expect or would not have agreed to had they known.
Friends and Friendship - Who are Friends, What is Friendship
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself, he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
To Hold or to Set One Free!
Hope you all are doing well and enjoying great health. There were terrorist attacks in London and even here in India we are facing many natural calamities; but as they say, everything in life is having some purpose and one must learn to carry on.
Better Than Help
One thing that women in abusive relationships and their family and friends frequently request is 'help'; help to change the situation. While I understand, and can relate only too well, to their sentiment, the term 'help' makes me feel uncomfortable.
How to Handle a Cheating Partner
Most people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Let's begin by taking a look at that before going any further.
What Makes The Ideal Man?
Are you looking for the Ideal Man? While my book "the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" will show you how to get him, have you ever wondered what the Ideal Man would be like? How should he spend his spare time, should he like sports, or shopping? Manicures or electronics? Well, in an online survey, The Harris Poll and Dodge Dakota asked 2,131 U.S.
Let Kissing Liven Up Your Meetings (and More Kissing Tips)
Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at the barber shop, lines are drawn, challenges leveled and, with any luck, somebody walks out with very few blood stains. All over a seemingly innocent discussion: What is the greatest sport ever?Some say "football".

Home | Site Map | Sex | Dating | Marriage | Relationships | Yoga | Webmaster | Products |